I remember the nights I used to daydream about marrying Todd; long before the diamond ring and the day the world spun while he stood on one knee. I imagined saying “I Do” under Bohemian Tree arches and a flower crown atop a head of brown curls. There would be lights and flowers…. lots of flowers.
Then I said “yes” and there in one instant, reality swept my daydreams away. It felt like we went from engagement bliss to checking dates and creating budgets far too quickly.
Long were the nights we sat in his living room with calculators and pens. Blue eyes pooling with tears as we tried to make our dreams fit into a budget too small for them. Last night we stopped planning, we closed the computers, put away the calculators and pens and for a moment we simply sat in silence, two sets of fingers intertwined, two heads leaning on one another.
There are a lot of things I want for Todd and I’s wedding. I want real flowers at every table, I want lights strung up to decorate the magical forest we will feast in. I want vows scribbled in black letters on white papers. I want a live band and a photographer that is amazing. I want to venture with Anthropology into the garden and wear their new Spring wedding line. These are things I want, these are things I dream of, but these are not things I need.
What I need above all of these is to be ready for marriage. This beautiful wedding day is just that, it’s a day. It’s a day of celebration and great joy but it’s also a launching pad into the forever years of our lives.
In a little less than four months I will walk down the aisle towards the man God has created for me. My hands will shake while my heart beats to the rhythm of peace. Peace because I know that his heart and my heart are the same. One day we will raise babies with long black hair and deep brown eyes. They will not be ours but they will be flesh of our flesh and heart of our hearts. I know that God has a calling for us, a mission that we can only accomplish as husband and wife, and in four short months I need to be ready for that calling.
I need a heart that is ready to love my husband purely as Christ loves us. I need eyes to see how to serve him best and how to love him best. I need a spirit that is sensitive to his needs and can lift him up as iron sharpens iron. I need to be praying daily for him, daily for me and daily for the us that will be.
So while I want an Anthropology themed wedding of Bohemian flair, what I need is a pure heart and a readiness for marriage. Our wedding may not have everything I want it to have but it will have everything I need. It will have the man I love waiting for me and it will contain two little words that let us launch into our forever.
Bonnie Crouch 